ACIM Lesson 5: My Daily Reflection (fear)

Day 5: Fear upsets you. Then, you lose your connection to Holy Spirit. Without his guidance you do dumb things that you think are the right answer. Well, that sounds terrible. Let’s investigate.

Apparently, my fear of heights is being reviewed in 2026. It’s been an issue ever since 1965 when I was around 7 years of age. My best friend, Patricia (Tricia) Evans, lived in a block of flats on the Hallfield Estate right behind our primary school.

Tricia and her family lived on one of the higher floors. One day she invited me over to play after school. We walked to her building, got in the lift and went up.

When the doors opened, I stepped out and instantly panicked.

I had never been that high off the ground in my life. I pressed my back against the wall and refused to move. Seeing that I was terrified, Tricia ran to get her teenage brother. He quickly scooped me up and carried me to safety. Once we got inside, they made me a cup of tea (of course).

To make everyone feel better, her brother pulled out his record player. We danced and sang along to the latest reggae and ska hits from his stack of vinyl 45’s. It was fantastic!

When it was time for me to go home, her brother carried me back to the lift. He reassured me that I would get used to it and soon I would be able to walk down to their flat without fear.

Some history because we’re never upset for the reason we think.

I am never upset for the reason I think. ACIM Lesson 5

Fast forward a few years. Tricia and I sometimes bullied the other kids. Mostly just being rude with name-calling. But, I got in trouble for kicking one girl and for poking a boy in the eye.

What can I say? I survived living in two different children’s homes before the age of six.

Anyway, most of us had been in the same class with each other since we were 5 years old. Each year, we had a new teacher, but the all of us kids stayed together as one group. We had strong bonds and fabulous memories of growing up together.

I loved my time at that school. I was devastated when, in 1969, we had to leave England to move to America because my mother married an American GI.

My step-dad adopted me and my siblings after he returned from his tour of duty in Vietnam. He proudly served in the US Air Force for 22 years.

Was I rude or a bully? Maybe both.

Okay, back to the fear of heights situation. Because I visited Tricia often after school, I got over my fear of leaving the lift and walking to her flat.

So comfortable, in fact, that one day, as we leaned over the railing to see what we could see, Tricia encouraged me to shout “Ten-Ton-Tessie” as loud as possible to a girl I didn’t know walking below us.

We giggled and laughed thinking we were very funny. Until a few days later, when Tessie confronted us in the schoolyard.

Oh no! Tessie was indeed quite large. We ran for our lives.

Fear of heights = Opportunities to conquer fear

So, first situation of fear of heights conquered. But unfortunately, the fear of heights is still an issue.

Yesterday, I made the final payment for a cruise I’m going on later this year. This morning, I woke up to a pleasant e-mail letting me know that I’d been given a FREE upgrade to a balcony room on a high floor. What!?

Aaagh! I like the lower decks. That’s why I chose the room with a window. How is this possible?

I picked up the phone to call them and make them give me my old room back. But then, Holy Spirit said, “What are you doing?”

I explained the situation, as if he didn’t already know. Of course he already knew. No response.

Uh oh! With Holy Spirit, silence is actually an answer.

“Um, it’s the 12th floor with a balcony.” I said it again, in case he got busy and didn’t hear me. More silence.

Truly annoyed now, I got online and found a deck plan for the ship. Much to my surprise, the buffet and restaurants were all on the higher decks.

Gifts given by Holy Spirit are sometimes AWESOME! And sometimes, they look like challenges.

Now I understood. If I hadn’t been upgraded, I wouldn’t have explored the deck plan to see where the restaurants are because IN THE PAST, on my other cruises, they were on lower decks.

So, now I need to prepare for being uncomfortable — just at first — until I get used to it. Just like before with Tricia.

Spirit teaches us, if we let him, by encouraging us to take risks, face fears and accept challenges. Sometimes it sucks. Sometimes, it looks like a free gift in the form of an upgrade that challenges a fear.

I am learning to accept the gifts, as well as, the trials and tribulations that come with life. Plus, I am practicing saying yes (being obedient) to Holy Spirit more quickly.

To paraphrase Pastor Mike Todd from one of his recent sermons, “Don’t let your comfort level prevent you from moving forward into the new things God has for you. His ideas are bigger than yours. If you can do it without his help, your idea isn’t big enough.”

One way to recognize Holy Spirit's voice is to notice whether what he tells you is something you would tell yourself. He never tells me anything I already know. His thoughts usually stop me in my tracks. I listen. Then, I verify. And finally, I trust and surrender to his higher knowledge and broader outlook.

Only demons (the Anti-Christ opposite side) agree with your current way of thinking because they are in the gap (the cesspool) with you.

Remember to forgive yourself too.

During the 6AM prayer time, Pastor Will Heckenbach from Transformation Church, spoke about the importance of forgiving others. He said that it is just as important to forgive yourself for the things you’ve done wrong.

And then to forgive God for the disappointments and heartache you’ve suffered that you feel like he could have prevented.

Pastor Will reminded everyone of what Jesus said on the cross, “Forgive them, Father, for they know not what they do.” (Luke 23:34) He added, “Make allowance for each other’s faults. Let the peace that comes from Christ rule in your heart.”

Dear brothers and sisters, when troubles of any kind come your way, consider it an opportunity for great joy. For you know that when your faith is tested, your endurance has a chance to grow. James 1:2-3

A Course in Miracles: Lesson 5 (video)

Video summary: Fear upsets you. Then, you lose your connection to Holy Spirit. Without his guidance you do dumb things that you think are the right answer. Now, you’ve wasted your time and energy. And you’re even more upset than before.