Who is intimidating you?
Brown Belt Trap: Babsie was short, heavy, and 52 years old. Timid is the word I would use to describe her—extremely timid. She always spoke in a tiny voice, “Can I help you? Do you guys want coffee or anything?” She looked nerve-wracked. Her hands shook when she stood at the table taking our order.
This real-life story is presented by a person who wishes to remain anonymous. We worked out the Demon Spotting Code Words together. The analysis of this case appears at the bottom of this post.
Seven of us (all women) from work met regularly for lunch at a buffet restaurant where she worked. One day, after she’d been serving us for several months, one of the women in our group pointed out that she looked intimidated, almost fearful. The first question she asked Babsie was, “Is someone treating you badly?”
Babsie said, “No.”
With a few more probing questions, she told us who was intimidating and undermining her. It was her mother, whom she still called Mommy.
We asked her why she always wore heavy Lisle Stockings (heavy, opaque hosiery) and neutral-colored shirts with long sleeves. “Mommy doesn’t like me to wear colors,” she said.
We realized that Mommy didn’t want her daughter to stand out or have healthy self-esteem. In Mommy’s eyes, Babsie never did anything right. Even after working all day, she went home and cleaned the house. Her mother didn’t work and didn’t offer to help.
Babsie vs Mommy: Gaslighting and Shaming
I remember her saying that her mother made her feel like she was mentally ill, but she wasn’t. She just didn’t know how to stand up for herself. “Mommy treats me like I’m eight years old. I have to agree with her, even if she’s wrong. She tells me that I’m nothing, that I’ll never amount to anything.”
When we talked with her, she seemed intelligent and knowledgeable about current events, but she had no confidence whatsoever. I believe we were the first ones she spoke to about this situation.
She always lit up whenever we arrived for our lunch. Over the months, her voice sounded stronger in her conversations with us. When she left our table, her voice returned to normal, mousy and timid.
One day, one of the older women in our group who had experience as a teacher, probed a little deeper. “Do you ever answer her back or curse her out?”
She giggled and said, “Oh no! I never curse. She would kill me. OMG, I would never do something like that.”
But the seed was planted.
Months later, on a day when they announced that they were closing the restaurant permanently, she showed up at our table in a bright red sweater, smiling like something wonderful had happened.
Giggling, she told us the details of what had happened that morning before she came to work. “My mother was particularly nasty to me this morning. I turned to her [with attitude] and said, ‘F-ck you!”
Mommy just stood there with her mouth open. Then, she said, ‘What did you say?’ And I said again, even louder, ‘ F-ck you! ‘ And then I took off my stockings. I went to her closet and found a red sweater. I wore it downstairs. She said, ‘What are you doing?’ I said, ‘ I’m wearing this to work.’
‘You’re not wearing your stockings,’ Mommy said, ‘You can’t go out like that.’
But I did go out like that.”
When we heard the story, we were so pleased. Everyone laughed out loud! We stood up and clapped. All the people in the restaurant noticed. Her regulars flooded her with compliments about how nice she looked in her red sweater. “You should wear colors all the time.”
Joan suggested that Babsie get her own place, away from her mother. Babsie said she was thinking about it.
That night, after work, our group of seven went for drinks to celebrate the change in Babsie. We asked Babsie to come with us, but she was too shy.
A Permanent Shift in Behavior
Over the next month, before the restaurant closed, Babsie wore one of her mother’s colorful sweaters every day. Her workmates stopped putting her down and showed her respect.
In her last month at the restaurant, we noticed a huge improvement in her confidence and self-esteem. She was looking forward to her new job and her new life. After the restaurant closed, we lost touch with her.
Six months later, she was spotted at her new restaurant. The difference was dramatic. She’d moved into her own place, and she looked radiant and happy. We were delighted to hear that news. We wondered if Babsie had figured out that her mother, not her, had a mental illness. We think that realization changed her life.
Authority and Positive Influence
This story shows that you can speak to strangers about situations and they can support you. A listener who isn’t involved in the story is often more detached and able to see what you’ve hidden in your blind spot.
The group of seven women affirmed Babsie. Because they outnumbered her mother, she let their words soak in and replace the nasty things her mother said to her. Like a magic mirror, the ladies reflected Babsie in the exact opposite way that her mother did.
Based on the context of this Demon Spotting game, I say that a pride and arrogance demon whispered in her mother’s ear and influenced her behavior towards Babsie. (See Chapter 8 in Diary of a Demon Spotter)
When she boldly went to her mother’s closet to get the sweater and then wore it to work, the dam broke. The ladies gave Babsie the courage to stand up to her mother and the confidence to stare down the demon of sadness who whispered to her on a daily basis.
Why does this demon squad have pig’s faces?
Mark 5:8 (The New Testament for Gen Z) “…Jesus told that unclean spirit, ‘Get out of this dude, man. You’re not welcome here’.”
Mark 5:12 “And all the evil spirits were like, ‘Hey, Jesus, can you send us into those pigs? We wanna crash with them’.”
Jesus cast the demons into a herd of 2000 pigs. The pigs freaked out, ran down a steep slope and drowned in the sea.
Diary of a Demon Spotter, Book One (on Amazon)
“The pigs perished. But demon angel spirits cannot die. So where are they hiding now?”
Case Analysis: Mommy’s Attacks
I created code words to represent sets of behaviors that are common go-to moves for us humans. These behaviors are not respectful, yet we tolerate them to preserve the peace. Babsie’s existence with her mother was not peaceful. I blame demons for causing us to behave badly with each other.
There are eight attacks in this Demon Spotting game. Mommy used three of them against Babsie.
- Grandiose: daily insults, large or small.
- Creepy Wally: invading her daughter’s intimate space. This describes any sort of invasion that feels like a violation.
- Vampire: draining emotional energy. When Babsie smiled, her mother said something to wipe the smile off her face.
Mommy’s Positions
There are eight positions in this Demon Spotting game. Mommy used two of them against Babsie.
Location: Because this behavior happened in Babsie’s home every day, this is a brown belt trap. Mommy’s authority ruled over Babsie. No one was there to interrupt or stop the abuse.
- Skunk: this person or thing has authority over you. Respect the skunk or get sprayed!
- Vulture: a person who feels that they are entitled to treat you this way. You deserve it!
The Ladies Were Babsie’s Cornerman Angels
Cornerman Angels aren’t just celestial beings. They can be the people in your real life as well. The group of seven women ate at that restaurant every week. They may not have realized it, but each week, they carefully nurtured her confidence by just being themselves. They modeled behavior that she imitated. When the balance tipped and her confidence was high, she let her mother have it—right between the eyes.
- The Eddie Attack: The group of seven affirmed Babsie each week. This attack can be positive or negative. When people band together, they can be for or against you. In this case, it was positive.
Babsie’s Positions
Babsie took two positions. The Ostrich was how she started out. The Chameleon was the position that helped her escape the trap. Her confidence allowed her to take a step that worked. Her respect for herself came into balance and she was able to make a successful adjustment in her living situation.
- Ostrich: Instead of opposing her mother, as many would have done in her situation, she caved in and tolerated her mother’s abusive behavior towards her. She tried to ignore it (sticking her head in the sand), but that didn’t work. Stifling yourself never works for long. In the hit sit-com from the 70s, the main character, Archie Bunker, often told his wife to stifle herself whenever she had an opinion that he didn’t agree with.
- Chameleon: Babsie copied and practiced how the group of women spoke. She giggled a lot and finally found humor in her situation. When it came time to confront her mother, her actions were effective and efficient.
Babsie passed her Third Round Test!
Do You Have a Story to Share?
If so, please follow the format used in this post. As best you can, use the code words to help readers understand quickly what went down in the situation and how you resolved it. If the situation is not resolved, apply the code words and let’s see if we can work it out together.
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Send your story directly to me: AskLadyWisdom@demonspotting.com
This story was submitted with permission to use in printed format.
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Photo Credit: Photo representation of Babsie by Christina @ wocintechchat.com on Unsplash
DramaGuru Academy is here to teach you how to navigate the situations in your life. Through Demon Spotting lessons, we reveal the patterns of any demon who is interfering with you and your loved ones. We show you how to stare those demons down as you advance confidently from the First Heaven, through the Second Heaven, towards the Third Kingdom of Heaven.
